Dear Anne Marie: Anytime I get feedback from a colleague, especially my supervisor, it just ruins my day. It all feels like criticism. Then I worry that I'm not doing a good job. I'm exhausted. Help!
    — Josie C.

Dear Josie: You value the respect and admiration of others. You enjoy feeling special and you flourish when others recognize your efforts and achievements. You are constantly striving to please people because you place such a high premium on their opinions.

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of inferiority. Receiving feedback catapults you out of your comfort zone and dumps you into the land of uncertainty. Your confidence in yourself is replaced with feelings of apprehension as your mind races with questions: "What else am I doing wrong?" "What will happen to me?" "How can I take care of myself?"

The Game Plan

First, put a lid on the drama queen. It is melodramatic to perceive all feedback as criticism. It exhausts you and the people talking to you, so give yourself a break and stop it right now!

Second, give your attention to what is being said vs. what you are feeling. How can you accurately hear what is being said when you are overly focused on your feelings? Put your emotions aside during the conversation and just listen.

Third, write down what you hear and then ask if you 'got it right'. It is possible that the comments coming out of their mouths sound nothing like the information going into your head. The only way to be sure you heard it right is to ask. Checking out your assumptions can save you much time and grief.

Fourth, resist the urge to over-identify with other people's opinions. Your self-esteem will suffer if you attach too much importance to other people's opinions. Learn to challenge your self-defeating thoughts by telling yourself, "I am a warm, caring, hardworking person and it is OK for my boss to give me feedback."

Finally, give yourself the gift of peace. By enjoying—but not needing—recognition from others, you will bring a calmer, more balanced perspective to your relationships. Ease will replace exhaustion as feedback ceases to be threatening.