The Moment: Hostile Customers

Dear Anne Marie: I work in a customer service department and I love helping people. A lot of the customers who call in with a problem are pleasant, but many are already angry and impatient. When they treat me as though I am the cause of their problems, I don't feel like helping them. Some days I feel no enthusiasm at all. How can I do my best work in spite of the caller's behavior?
   — Elizabeth N.

Dear Elizabeth: You are adept at solving problems – the more complex the problems, the happier you are. You love the challenge of solving them quickly and effectively. What motivates you to work hard is customer satisfaction; nothing means more to you than hearing the gratitude in your customer's voice. Some people would recoil at the idea of spending all day on the phone solving customers' problems, but not you!

Managing The Moment

The "Moment to Manage" is your feeling of attachment. You are attached to a particular outcome — in your case a happy customer. This means that your customer "has to" feel happy in order for you to feel satisfied and successful. When a customer persists in being peevish you feel let down and disappointed. As soon as three or four customers in a row refuse to succumb to your charm you begin pouting. You then bring your cranky attitude to your next customer, causing you to treat your customers as though they are the cause of your problems; exactly the reason you are upset with them!

The Game Plan

First, fortify yourself by engaging in fulfilling activities. Do you love to hike, have dinner with friends or relax with a good book? Identify the people and activities that mean most to you and regularly fill your evenings and weekends with them. This will help you to be more resilient in the face of other people's anger and put your work life in perspective.

Second, shape your mind-set before you arrive at work. Recall your most outstanding achievement with a customer. How did you feel? What thoughts did you have? Were you energized and inspired? Sit quietly and consciously re-experience the emotions of a highly successful business outcome. Doing this repeatedly will position you for success.

Third, refuse to personalize the customers' behavior. You are the target of the customers' anger but you are not the cause of their anger. Do your best to avoid being over-sensitive to your customers' conduct. It's not about you – it is about them. Play it like a video game and continually step out of the way of their emotional missiles.

Fourth, bear in mind that this is a business issue. Your job is to restore the customer's faith in their decision to do business with your company. You will do that by being unfailingly courteous and by making every effort to resolve the issue. It is not your job to play therapist and make everyone "happy."

Finally, have compassion for yourself and your customers. You are doing your very best to help people who have waded through a convoluted phone menu, been forced to tell their problem to a "robotic" disembodied operator, and subsequently been routed to several wrong departments before they found you. It's no wonder they are upset. It is important to extend patience to everyone as we try to cope with some of the downsides of operating in a highly technical world.