The homepage of my website poses the question, “What would be possible if you could stand in your value?” I love this question. It fills me with excitement and gets my imagination soaring. It doesn’t however, mean what many people assume it means.
“Standing in your value” does not mean “standing in self-love.” I am not asking, “If you loved yourself what would be possible?”
Self-love like self-esteem is a pretty touchy subject. The assumption many people make is that if we just had high self-esteem, if we could only love ourselves more, life would be wonderful. This is why millions of dollars have been poured into the effort to ensure our kids have “high self-esteem.” Unfortunately, after many years of this effort (and spending a ton of money!) the research does not bear out the assumptions.
As it turns out, high self-esteem does not correlate with achievement and success in life.
You can have high self-esteem and be a low achiever. You can have low self-esteem and be a high achiever. It’s time we stopped waiting to have high self-esteem before going after what we want in life. Stop working on your “self-esteem” issue. Instead, try standing in your value!
“What would be possible if you could stand in your value?” means:
What would be possible if you could live your values?
What would be possible if your choices reflected your values?
What would be possible if you aligned your actions with what is most important?
Standing in your value is about where you are living from, what you are living out of and where you are responding from. It is a sense of unity within, of not being divided and fragmented on the inside. This inner division that many of us live with, more than anything, prevents the actions we could take that would lead to the outcomes we seek.
Standing in your value is not about “feeling good” and yet you do feel good when you act in integrity with yourself.
Standing in your value is not about being comfortable, it is about being in alignment.
Each moment is a choice point. We can choose to stand in our value and be in alignment; or we can choose to shred our values down to a smaller version of their glorious selves. We do that when we compromise something we hold dear in order to please others or avoid conflict.
Here is a short practice you can do to help you more fully stand in your value:
Set your phone alarm to go off every 2 hours.
When the alarm goes off stop everything you are doing and pause.
Take some slow deep breaths in and out. Get present in the moment.
Now ask your heart this question, “What is most important right now?”
Align your thoughts, emotions and actions with what is most important. Obey your heart!
You will not always be comfortable when you align with what is most important. Sometimes your heart will instruct you to tell the truth to someone and that might feel scary. Or your heart might tell you to finish your work before you do your friend a favor. It’s not easy to live our values but it is rewarding. Overtime the joy that comes from standing in your value will be yours!